Randomly Bolded » humor

Random answers

rb — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 04:26:07 +0000

I don’t ordinarily post random links, but this was too funny to pass up.

Dodo bird sighting?

rb — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 04:49:27 +0000

Before I could even finish this post (which I began writing before the fateful vote), Bart Stupak proves my point: A once-thriving species—the “pro-life Democrat”—is nearing extinction. Where’s the EPA when you need them?

Oh, wait, environmentalist outrage extends only to the far side of the primate divide. Perhaps the one-term left-wing hero will find the dodo a post-election habitat somewhere in Chicago?

IBHST.S02.E01

rb — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:32:01 +0000

It’s almost comical. Of course, I am hardly the first to have noticed the doppelgänger.

A man who believes in the American League but not in America. Stunning?

Randomly Viewed: RB at the movies

rb — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 03:33:54 +0000

I had no idea Dances with Wolves II could be worse than the first. I would have expected something more than cool special effects and a climax scene that scarcely distracted the audience from this movie’s otherwise tired attempt at a plot.

Score, supporting cast, and character (or should I say char-avatar) development were appalling considering this movie was as hyped as Gladiator.

Suppose you can put aside the not-so-subtle left-wing ideology in this movie’s tired themes:

Rapacious white man vs. spiritual natives—guess who wins?
The “organic” forest should not be sacrificed for unobtainium—surprise, surprise, we never find out what cures or unprecedented wealth unobtainium might bring.
Brutish militiamen hired by shareholders for profit too obtuse to consider enlightened, “scientific” claims—contain your gasps of outrage as you will never learn who appointed these fringe kooks philosopher-kings of the island.

Let’s just say if you want a nuanced plot, you would be better off watching Titanic again. (As a bonus, it felt shorter.) Timid boy meets confident daughter of the ruling clan—would I spoil it to tell you he gets the girl? At least James Cameron’s last “great” movie develops its themes rather than relying on stereotype and faux drama.

Two stars for glowing jellyfish gods and robotic war machines copied from Iron Man.

I need a hit

rb — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 22:01:23 +0000

Among the joys of working at BigLaw are the weekly visits to my “drug dealer,” whom I will call Derek. My entire relationship with Derek revolves around one thing—getting me what I need.

Derek and I follow all the protocols of professional narcotics distributors:

using established, secure channels of communication;
repeating a regimented script where Derek assigns, and I complete, assignments, then later I confirm I have completed them;
exhibiting antilinguistic traits characteristic to such distributors, including crass, pink-elephant-in-the-corner smalltalk and task-relevant overlexicalization.

Fortunately for BigLaw, Derek deals in batches, not 8-balls; lists, not lines; documents, not drugs.

Unfortunately for my career, I’m a lowlife junkie hooked on the smack. Hit me up again, Derek!

IBHST.S01.E01: 867-5309

rb — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:27:18 +0000

In the premiere episode of a new feature, randomlybolded.com honors “Nobody Messes with Joe” Biden. Speaking about the administration’s plans to post porkulus spending on the Internet, the VP had this to say:

[CBS Host] By the way, do you know the website? [NMW Joe] No, I’m embarrassed. [Looking stage right] Do you know the website number? I should have it in front of me, and I don’t.

If Bush had said that…