Among the joys of working at BigLaw are the weekly visits to my “drug dealer,” whom I will call Derek. My entire relationship with Derek revolves around one thing—getting me what I need.
Derek and I follow all the protocols of professional narcotics distributors:
- using established, secure channels of communication;
- repeating a regimented script where Derek assigns, and I complete, assignments, then later I confirm I have completed them;
- exhibiting antilinguistic traits characteristic to such distributors, including crass, pink-elephant-in-the-corner smalltalk and task-relevant overlexicalization.
Fortunately for BigLaw, Derek deals in batches, not 8-balls; lists, not lines; documents, not drugs.
Unfortunately for my career, I’m a lowlife junkie hooked on the smack. Hit me up again, Derek!
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